April Fools’ Day 2014 compilation

It’s April Fools’ Day, meaning most of the stuff you read online today will be rotten lies that exist only to make you weep… Or fun jokes that we can all appreciate.

Below, you’ll find our annual roundup of games-related jokes. As usual, the list will be updated as new jokes and parodies arrive, so be sure to check back.

April Fools’ Day 2013 | April Fools’ Day 2012 | April Fools’ Day 2011

Added at 5:40 p.m.

• Atomix.vg – Following its Metroid 3DS XL and inFAMOUS: Ghost Nightmare pranks, now it’s teasing a Brutal Edition retail version of Killer Instinct.
• CD Projekt RED – A mo-cap session for The Witcher 3 gone wrong.
• DBFan.jp – Dragon Ball Heroines, a parody of Dragon Ball Heroes.
• EA – Not a joke, but they’re apologizing for Frostbite’s earlier April Fools’ tweets about Wii U, which are now removed (CTRL+F “frostbite”). They called the tweets “unacceptable and stupid.”
• Ed Boon – A quick look at the box art for Injustice: Gods Among Us Ultimate Extreme Ultra Legendary Edition.
• Francis – The first 30 minutes of Half-Life 3.
• Full Screen Pokemon – An open-source HTML5 remake of the original Pokemon games, playable in your web browser…
• GamesRadar – Continuing its unannounced sequel reviews, Psychonauts 2. Also, The Last Guardian.
• Gunnar Optiks – Introducing Gunnar Holo Vision. “Think it. See it. New mind blowing technology… Project your inner thoughts onto any surface.”
• Hybrid Games – Resistance Collection coming to PlayStation 4 and PS Vita. That Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes Xbox-exclusive ‘Jamais Vu’ mission is coming to PlayStation, too.
• Naughty Dog – Uncharted and The Last of Us studio becomes Naughty Doge.
  
• Neverwinter – Playable dragon class introduced.
• Nuclear Throne – Vlambeer’s roguelike has gone first-person shooter.
• Rockman Corner – Capcom teases Mega Man X “Ver. KE” model kit. It’s a joke because Capcom doesn’t love Mega Man anymore.
• Young Horses – If you thought Octodad was great, here’s Multi-Dad, Octodad with up to 128 players. Compete with your friends for your wife’s affections in brutal dad-to-dad combat.

Added 1:20 p.m.

• Atomix.vg – Metroid Prime edition 3DS XL announced. Includes Metroid Prime 3D. They’ve also got an announcement for inFAMOUS: Ghost Nightmare on PlayStation 4, complete with screenshots.
• BioWare – Garrus body pillow now available on the BioWare Store. There’s a Varric Chest Toupee, too.
• Destiny – “Get Your Ass to Mars” collector’s edition announced.
• DudeBro II – Announcing virtual reality support for the completely 2D game DudeBro II, earning it the new name of DudeVRo II.
• Dust 514 France – Announcing Eve: WipEout for PlayStation 4.
• Gamereactor.se – Facebook buys Rockstar Games.
• GamesRadar – Half-Life 3 review.
• GameTrailers – Knack revealed for PlayStation All-Stars: Battle Royale.
• Hearts of Iron IV – National Dog system and Horse Armor downloadable content announced.
• Hello Games – Introducing Joe Danger Touch Typing.
• MechWarrior Online – Announcing the UrbanMech UM-R60, a unique Mech available to only the most loyal MechWarriors.
• OVERKILL Software – Introducing three new law enforcers set to appear in Payday 2.
• Persona Link – Watch the “Seek Emancipation” trailer for Persona 5.
• Phil Fish – “I’m back! FEZ II is back on!”
• S2 Games – Flappy Bastion, the latest game from the creators of Heroes of Newerth and Strife.
• Skullgirls – New character Fukua introduced. She is “the result of a fortunate – or unfortunate – Lab Zero accident: a union of two souls.”
• Tak Fujii – Tak Fujii, known for his super extremeness, “will quit being extreeeeeeme.”
• War of the Vikings – New ‘Godlike Warriors’ downloadable content will give players the ability to use godlike powers.
• WayForward – Announcing Bloculus VR, de-making your favorite next-gen console and PC games instantly.
• Zeboyd Games – Announcing Untamed Armaments, the next game from Zeboyd. It stars a young dream hunter-mercenary who searches old ruins for the treasures within.

Added 7:20 a.m.

• Codemasters – Announcing GRID: Railroad, the latest entry in thehit racing game series, featuring 1,337 miles of racing track, customizable wagons, Station Master mode, and more.
• Diablo III – Introducing Heavy Reaper, the latest Diablo experience, coming soon to web and mobile.
• Game Informer – Following their work on Metroid: Other M, Team Ninja and Nintendo are making Zelda: Other Z, featuring a plot filled with “heavy-handed symbolism, teen angst, and barely repressed sexuality.”
• Hyperkin – Introducing the RetroN Arcade, a revolutionary new console coming this holiday that plays all the arcade classics, using a built-in projector as a display.
• Nintendo Life – Introducing the Nintendo Virtual U, Nintendo’s answer to Project Morpheus and Oculus Rift.
• Sony – Sony Power Food, fueling yourself and your gadgets. “Now, the same fuel we’ve used to power ourselves for thousands of years can be used to power personal electronics.”

Added 5:15 a.m.

• Arma 3 – Hyper realistic go-kart downloadable content due out in Q2 2014.
• Blizzard – Introducing Blizzard Outcasts: Vengeance of the Vanquish, a fighting game for the new generation featuring the Blizzard game universe’s most infamous antiheroes. Trailer and screenshots included.
• Chaos Code – New character SG Hikaru announced.
• CheapShark – Steam by Facebook.
• Dynasty Warriors 8 – It appears Wei Yan has removed his mask.
• Frostbite Engine – “Frostbite now runs on the #WiiU since it is the most powerful Gen4 platform, our renderer is now optimized for Mario and Zelda.” It will also power Half-Life 3 when it launches exclusively on Wii U this summer.
• GamesRadar – Shenmue 3 reviewed on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.
• IGN – Titanfall ‘Optimus Prime’ downloadable content announced. Trailer included.
• Kalypso Media – Tropico spin-off Tropico Llama Simulator announced, lets you assume the role of an exotic llama.
• League of Legends – New update going live next preseason which will remove mana and energy costs, double attack speed bonuses for range champions, and start every champion with 80 percent cooldown reduction.
• Mighty No. 9 – A new ROM appears! And it’s very appley.
• Path of Exile – Online action RPG has gone pay to win. “Wins should be consumable and sold in stacks so that players have to keep buying more.”
• PlayStation Finland – Introducing the PS Vita XS, a 160 grams light, 99 euros PS Vita with an extra large screen.
• Square Enix – Square Enix launches teaser site for a new game, title pending, in the “Light Novel Style RPG” genre. Dengeki says it’s not related to April Fools’, but we’re not taking any chances.
• StarCraft II – ‘Herald of the Stars’ expansion announced, and will feature “revolutionary non-linear” campaign that can be played “backwards, forwards, with any mission in any order, or not played at all, while still delivering the exact same life-affirming storyline.”
• War Thunder – Online fighter game adds new Japanese war machine Daikaidzu “Gaijilla” GD11a, available in Arcade mode on the Dev server.
• Webhallen – Swedish retailer now selling Xbox One with Half-Life 3 bundle ahead of September 26 ship date. You can also buy the Half-Life 3 Chapter 1 DLC and first Season Pass.
• World of Tanks – Wargaming launches first browser game, World of Tanks: The Crayfish, featuring four original battle arenas and 10 levels of dynamic PvE tank combat.
• World of Warplanes – (From press release.) Wargaming announced plans to introduce flying saucers to its flight combat MMO World of Warplanes. Starting today, the Tier 5 German Kampfflugplatte Sleipnir I UFO will be available for free to all registered players.

Added April 1, 12:30 a.m.

• Illusion – (NSFW) Announcing the April 1 limited sale of the Virtual Girl hardware. Experience a beautiful girl game on a 60 inch touch screen.
• Infinity Ward – Call of Duty: Ghosts playlists names changed. New names include “PEW PEW,” “YOLO,” “Bro, Do u even cap?” and “New Shit.”
• NEthing Reviews – YouTube channel reviews 2K Games‘ POG 2K14 for Xbox One, which features more than 800 classic Pogs and Slammers priced from $3.99 to $10.99.
• Pangya – Introducing Pangya Fight: Overdrive, a beat ’em up golf game based on the Pangya online game for the (Irem shoutout) Exidna game console. It supports up to 128 players via multitap.
• PlayStation Japan – It’s the best time of year for sending out our employees to harvest the PlayStation crops.
• r/PS4 – Reskinned with r/WiiU theme.
• r/Vita – Reskinned with r/MonsterHunter theme.
• r/WiiU – Reskinned with r/PS4 theme.
• r/XboxOne – Reskinned with NeoGAF theme.
• Wolfgame – “We are working on PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale 2… news, screenshots and a trailer to release on 4/2/2014.”
• World of Tanks – April Fools’ special: Karl, a new tank, has been added, as well as new game mode created especially for the occasion.

Added March 31, 9:50 p.m.

• 100man-nin no Nobunaga’s Ambition – 100man-nin no Bushou Kareshi (One Million Peoples’ Military Commander Boyfriend), a love game spin-off of One Million Peoples’ Nobunaga’s Ambition, is coming soon.
• 3rd Super Robot Wars Z: Jigoku-Hen – A trailer on the game’s official website reveals a new robot participating in battle, the Hello Kitty mecha, who comes loaded with Rocket Punches.
• 5pb. – Specium;Boys, the latest sci-fi adventure game from 5pb., Mages, and Nitroplus. “Strange things happen to me… This is April Fool’s day but, I believe, disbelieve is up to you…”
• Engan Bus Company – Hokkaido bus company plans to start producing “Moeca,” moe-themed bus cards, have begun.
• Final Fantasy XIV – Online RPG being updated with “Favor” dating system, which “allows adventurers to grow even closer to their favorite NPCs.”
• Google Maps – The Pokemon Challenge. Dozens of Pokemon have taken up residence in the streets, and you can use Google Maps to capture them.
• Granzella – Granzella, Inc. has become the Granzella News Network (GNN), which seems to post nothing but stories about dinosaur sightings.
• Groove Coaster – The arcade version of Groove Coaster can now be purchased for home use at 999,800 yen (approx. $9,709 USD).
• Itaru Hinoue – Holy Breakers!, a new beat ’em up game from Clannad and Little Busters! artist Itaru Hinoue.
• J-List – Announcing My Girlfriend is the Prosecutor-General from JAST USA, a new eroge PC game featuring Natalia-chan.
• Kuma Tomo – Introducing Kumatomom@ster, a cross between Kuma Tomo and The Idolm@ster.
• The Legend of Heroes: Ao no Kiseki Evolution – Due out in 1202 on the calendar of the seven luminaries. (I don’t know if this is a game reference or something.)
• Killzone – Tim Burton-directed Killzone movie A Helghastly Adventure coming to theaters in mid-December. See the trailer on April 1.
• Madoka Magica – New movie coming in 2015.
• Nintendo Power – Nester, from the Nintendo Power comic strip, a playable character in Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and for Nintendo 3DS.
• Nippon Ichi Software – NIS is rebooting its horror adventure sound novel series Hayarigami as Shin Hayarikami, now with 100 times the cuteness.
• PlayStation Japan – Introducing “PS Travel Station,” a new service that lets you book trips to locations from your favorite PlayStation games. Go on a tour of the ruins from Knack, or on a four day tour of inFAMOUS: Second Son‘s Seattle.
• Nitroplus – PochaComi (Communication with Pochaco), Nitroplus’ newest game, starring super oppai gravure model newcomer Super Pochaco. The game is due out on Windows Vista, 7, and 8 on November 29, 2106.
• Sega Japan – MEGAne DRIVE, a truly Sega-like wearable entertainment headset.
• Taito – A super huge Bubblun is running wild through the streets of Japan.
• Talesing Swan – Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology 4 announced for PS Vita featuring Alicia from Tales of Zestiria and a 2D battle system.
• Tecmo Koei – Introducing Nyaiba: Nyanja Gaiden Z, which is like Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z, but with cats. It’s due out on February 22, 2222. There’s also a collaboration with Tecmo Koei‘s hit game, Cat or Alive, and a new entry in the Nobunyaga series.
• Thief – Thief‘s Japanese website becomes a classic Final Fantasy RPG battle scene. The “Master Thief” character has 30 max HP, and his only moves are “Steal” and “Run Away.”
• Under Night: In Birth – Coming soon, a love simulation game featuring the girls of Ecole and French Bread’s Under Night: In Birth.
• Virtua Fighter – This is likely not an April Fools’ Day joke, but I’m including it because it’s neat. Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown will be featured in the anime Ryuugajou Nanana no Maizoukin, which starts April 11.