With Grand Theft Auto V due out on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 in four days, Rockstar has gone live with the final update to the official website’s Los Santos Visitor’s Travelogue. This time, we hear about the city’s lovely accommodations, sightseeing and celebrities, 24-hour convenience stores, and opportunity for the upwardly mobile.
Get the lot of new information below.
Suit your lifestyle with and settle down in your own West Coast slice of heaven.
- Single-Family Home (South Los Santos) – Charming fixer-upper in up and coming neighborhood. Beautiful single-family home on large plot in culturally diverse community. Prove you’re a real hipster by helping to price people out of the communities they grew up in. Gentrification is just about to begin. Look at what we did to Downtown. South Los Santos is next!
- Rural Mobile Home (Blaine County) – A romantic residence option is a home that, like the residents, is in pieces. Mobile homes are unique in that if you don’t like your neighbor, you can literally move your entire house. But it’s probably simpler to just shoot them.
- A Dream Mini-Mansion (Rockford Hills) – Enjoy the splendor of sprawl with one of these enormous mini-mansions. The neighborhoods are always interesting, with people that have just enough money to get into trouble and have affairs, swinger parties and drug problems. Perfect place to raise a family.
Sightseeing and Celebrity!
Faded starlets, troubled celebutantes and aggressive, costumed street performers – you never know who you’re going to bump into on Vinewood Boulevard. Come see the sights and sounds for yourself, or jump aboard the Vinewood Star Tours bus to have a struggling actor narrate as you take a guided tour of the landmarks and homes of the rich and famous while sitting on an un-airconditioned bus.
This week’s cover stories:
- Weekly Prattle – Her Last Shred of Dignity – Washed-up TV fossil Miranda Cowan – aka the Silicone Slattern – put on her own drunken show at a Los Santos strip club last night in yet another desperate attempt to garner media attention and claw back some relevance. Well, Miranda, I guess it worked. Here you are, back in the news. Hope all that time dating 25-year-olds, falling out of nightclubs and flashing your crotch at photographers was worth it. The thing is… you’re not fooling anybody, especially with that new plastic surgery vibe you’ve got. Everybody knows that you’re 39, which is 93 in celebrity years. You’re finished. Our readers don’t care about you. We are all about the young and dumb. – The 21st Century xxx
- West Coast Classics Magazine – Bigger Than World Peace – During a 3 hour concert the other night, 30 minutes of which were spent performing and the other 2 and a half hours spent preaching about how he’s the most important American icon of our time – rapper MC Clip told the audience that he is now going to stop the war, whatever that means. “In the long run, I’ll have a greater effect on humanity. I’m a singer, producer, intellectual, fashion designer, philosopher, poet, billionaire… I’m taking so many things to a different level simultaneously. Forget triple threat or quadruple threat. They ain’t invented a big enough ‘ruple’ for me yet. I don’t compete against other people. It’s pointless. I compete against myself, and when I compete against myself, everyone wins. The only regret I have is that I wasn’t the first man on Earth because imagine how much further along the human race would be. We’d be running the universe by now instead of still trying to get a hotel built on the moon. I’m living proof that you don’t need to read no books to be a genius. I blog in all CAPS, baby!” Is MC Clip the most odious, deluded megalomaniac who ever lived? Should we really be glorifying his messages of narcissism, misogyny and materialism to impressionable young teenagers just to sell magazines? Can I still in my heart of hearts call myself a journalist? So many questions, and only West Coast Classics has the answers. Stay tuned!
- StarsTalk Weekly – Poppy Mitchell Gets Popped! – Our old friend Sloppy Poppy is at it again. Despite overwhelming high-definition, close-up evidence to the contrary, Poppy Mitchell is still claiming that she is all about keeping it real pluto-tonic. As in far away and hard to define. Appearing on The Weazel News Morning Show yesterday, the young actress accused everyone, from the liberal media to rival All-American romcom starlet Lacey Jonas to the “wackos,” of waging a smear campaign against her. “There’s like these apps now that can totally change what you’re doing in photos and videos. No seriously. One minute you’re doing some quad stretches with your trainer, the next it’s being sold as a sex tape. And yes I like to go out and party, and sometimes I fall over and quote hiphop, but that’s just exhaustion from being a role model or a contact buzz from the people I’m with. I don’t care what the Internet says about me. I’m all about staying true to myself and my tween fanbase. Purity is the most important thing in my life right now. Totally. This stuff is cut I think. Stop rolling you idiot…” Oh please. The only thing pure in Poppy Mitchell’s life right now is the 8 ball she goes through on a nightly basis. At this point, is there anybody in Vinewood who hasn’t had a go at her Promise Ring? We’ll stay on this story until it gets interesting or she has a mental breakdown.
24-Hour Convenience Stores
You’ll find the roads of Los Santos and Blaine County packed with accommodating convenience and liquor stores, open around the clock for your last minute needs. Stop into your local 24/7, LTD service station or Rob’s liquor store – the tills are always filled with cash to serve you.
Opportunity for the Upwardly Mobile
This is a land of great opportunity. Cash is king in these parts – and ambitious and hard-working business people can make some big bucks if they know the right people and the right enterprise to get hooked up with…
View a new set of screenshots at the gallery.